Changes are Lacking in the Changeling

Clint Eastwood is a living legend. He's a terrific actor who has given us one of the most iconic characters in film history with Dirty Harry, he's a marvelous director, and on top of that, he even composes the music to some of his films. If there is one person in Hollywood who deserves recognition, it's Clint Eastwood. Unfortunately, his latest film, Changeling, (not to be confused with the 1980 haunted house film) fails to reach the standard he set for himself. After Letters from Iwo Jima, Flags of Our Fathers, and Million Dollar Baby, all masterpieces in their own right, the bar was set high, but numerous missteps prevent Changeling from surpassing mediocrity.

The film is based on a true story set in the late 1920's and Angelina Jolie stars as Christine Collins. After returning home from work one night, she finds her son is missing. After a search, the police claim to have found him. The problem is that little boy isn't her son. She will do anything to get him back, even if nobody else believes her.

Here's the main problem with the film. It's way too melodramatic. I understand the heaviness of the situation, but a lot of the drama should have been downplayed. It got a bit excessive, even to the point where it was almost a self parody. Look at Angelina Jolie for instance. Although she is a terrific actress in her own right, she felt off here. The film is about two hours and 20 minutes and I would estimate that she cries for about two hours of it. It seemed like every other scene she was breaking down in tears for one reason or another and I began to get annoyed. If the minds behind spoof films like Disaster Movie and Date Movie ever make a Dramatic Movie, I could easily see them making fun of the excessive crying in Changeling.

Much like the rest of the film, the acting is uneven. The quality of the performances seemed to change from scene to scene. Sometimes they were good, sometimes they were bad, and sometimes they were over the top. I could never fully immerse myself in the undeniably emotional story because the actors never pulled me in like they should have.

One thing I rarely notice when I'm watching a movie is the musical score. The purpose of a score is to heighten the experience and make the emotions present in a particular scene even more effective. Well, this musical score doesn't do that. In fact, it detracts from the experience. There is one song in particular that is played over and over and over again. From the beginning of the picture to the end, a slow melodic piano tune played at various parts in the story and it drove me crazy. If you begin to notice the musical score to a greater extent than usual, then it has failed. That was the case here.

I was split on this movie for the most part. At times, I was completely captivated at what I was seeing, but other times I was bored out of my mind and unconvinced of the film's authenticity. It just lacked that special something that other great dramas have. Still, it succeeds because, as uneven as it is, Clint Eastwood brings his usual stylish direction and the story will have some kind of emotional impact on you. It's no game changer, but Changeling has just enough to recommend despite some major blunders along the way.

Changeling receives 2.5/5

Role Models Well Worth Seeing

Comedies are difficult to make. Every year, dozens and dozens of comedies are released and only a select few manage to be a decent watch. Most are usually unfunny exercises in idiocy. Over the last couple of weeks we've had two comedies that are worth watching. First we had the good, but nothing special Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Now we have the slightly better, but still nothing special Role Models. We're on a roll.

The film follows Wheeler (Seann William Scott) and Danny (Paul Rudd) who, after being arrested, are assigned to the Sturdy Wings program as big brothers to two under privileged boys. Wheeler is assigned to a foul mouthed kid who has never had a big brother last more than a day and Danny is assigned to a nerd who is obsessed with live action role playing (i.e. hitting people with Styrofoam swords). They are hardened guys who just want to fulfill their requirement and get on with their lives, but will learn important lessons along the way.

Basically, we've seen this movie before. I know it's a comedy, but is it really too much to ask for a plot that I haven't seen countless times in other films? Hmm, I wonder if Wheeler and Danny will grow to love the two boys and learn to put their selfish ways aside in the hopes of finding some kind of self enlightenment? I'm tired of seeing this kind of story arc. It's old and overused.

However, a comedy has its humor to fall back on. If this were a drama, I would instantly ostracize it for its lack of originality. But regardless of how mundane a comedy's story is, what it really boils down to is whether or not it is funny. Luckily for Role Models, it is. While it isn't my favorite comedy I've seen this year, there are at least three or four big laughs and many more chuckles and grins to accompany them.

Still, it does get stale as the movie goes on. You know how some movies are said be "one note joke" films? Well, this is slightly better. It's a two note joke film. The majority of the gags come from the interactions between Wheeler, Danny, and the kids. Like I said, one kid is foul mouthed and one kid is a nerd. They milk these characters for everything they can and it gets old fast. There are only so many role playing nerd jokes I can take. I mean, I get it. He's a dork. Move on. But it never did. It stayed this way up until the very last scene.

The foul mouthed child is no different. There isn't anything inherently humorous in a child cussing. There has to be something funny to say or it has to be said in a context that fits the rest of the scene. Instead, the child randomly blurted out vulgarity even in scenes where it just wasn't necessary. The jokes simply didn't have enough variety.

Despite all of my complaining, I enjoyed the film. I do have some reservations with the structure of it and the "been there done that" story, but the simple fact is that I laughed a lot, enough to recommend the film. Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott are terrific as always and watching them play off of each other was a blast. Their talent is enough to save this movie even with its drawbacks. Zack and Miri Make a Porno will probably get more accolades because of its shock value, but for my money Role Models is the better of the two and the comedy to see.

Role Models receives 3.5/5

Christianity and Satanism are Blurred in House

The other day, I was contemplating what movies I should go see so I could write about them on this here blog. There were some great ones to be sure, but the listings had a movie called House on it. I had never heard of it, so I did some digging and read what it was all about. The film is adapted from a book by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker, who are Christian authors and write darkly themed novels around the Christian faith. The story follows two couples who end up in a house in the woods and end up playing a game with a killer called the Tin Man. His rules are this:

1) God came into my house and I killed him.
2) I will kill anyone who comes to my house like I killed God.
3) Bring me one dead body and I'll let rule #2 slide.

An R-rated Christian horror movie about a satanic killer who claims to have murdered God? I was intrigued and as I sat there, I realized I had to see this movie, if nothing else than to see how they wrapped a Christian message into the bloodletting. However, the message was weak, if not nonexistent. If anything, the Christian message is overshadowed by the satanic imagery. There are tons of references to Satanism, but little to no mention of Christianity. The films says that "light destroys darkness" and that's about as far as it delves into a blatant promotion of Christianity. I have a sneaking suspicion that the film wanted to make the Christian message as subtle as possible so they could appeal to a wider audience. If you look hard enough, you'll see that the characters are being tempted throughout the whole movie and, despite the rules saying that if they kill somebody they'll live, it's the opposite. The point of the film is to put temptation in their faces and see if they give in. If they don't, they'll be saved. Still, you have to dig pretty deep to find this hidden message.

Basically, Christians are going to walk out of this wondering why it was considered a Christian themed movie and non-Christians certainly aren't going to be converted. That's a big problem considering what it was trying to accomplish. However, this whole crisis could have been averted if it were actually a good movie. Well, it's not. Surprise!

There are a few things I'm sick of when it comes to the construction of a horror movie. First, I'm tired of seeing a twist ending. Although some work, most do not and ruin anything the film had going for it. Second, I hate characters that are so stupid they can't see the evil right in front of them. And lastly, I hate when a horror movie relies on cheap jump mechanics to scare the audience. God forbid a film actually has to try to create suspense through the use of an effective ambiance. Unsurprisingly, House falls into all of those traps.

The movie isn't scary in the slightest and the twist is absolutely ridiculous and doesn't seem to make much sense. It was like the writers of the story came up with the twist first and tried to work the story around it. It didn't work. And where do I begin with these characters? Usually, old house in the woods+people acting psycho=get the hell out of there, but not for these numbskulls. House felt like it had read the book on horror film clichés and used every single tactic.

As to be expected, the dialogue was laughable and the acting was uniformly bad, excluding Bill Moseley who is the man in everything he does, although he's severely underused here. I mean, what was this movie trying to do? It's not interesting, scary, or smart. It doesn't bring forth a Christian message from its supposed Christian source and actually seems to play up more aspects of Satanism. House is in limited release right now, but let's hope it quickly reaches DVD and rots away into oblivion.

House receives 1/5

Theological Nonsense Invades the Screen with The Haunting of Molly Hartley

Warning: Spoilers follow

The Haunting of Molly Hartley is one of the most inept and idiotic scary movies I've seen since An American Haunting. Calling this film a horror movie is like calling Schindler's List a comedy. The only thing to be frightened about is the thought of actually having to sit through this train wreck. This is undoubtedly one of the worst films of the year.

Here's the main problem with this movie. It feels like it should be playing on the CW at the teenybopper time slot between moronic shows like Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill. It has all the ridiculous drama you would expect from those programs including an "Oh no she didn't" catfight.

Slapping this should-have-been-direct-to-DVD film on that channel would actually be quite fitting since it shamelessly rips off the premise of the CW's Reaper. That show is about a dude whose soul is the devil's on his 21st birthday. This film is about a chick whose soul is the devil's on her 18th birthday. Totally different.

By telling you about her connection with the devil, I've pretty much ruined the movie for you since that's supposed to be a big reveal late in the story, but if you have any sense, you'll figure it out yourself very quickly. It's so plainly evident that I figured it out not even 15 minutes into the film.

So the whole time, I sat there and waited for the climax hoping that something would happen along the way. Unfortunately, the film has one of the most unsatisfying climaxes I've ever seen in any horror movie. The movie builds (read: does nothing) for an hour and 20 minutes and it doesn't even give us the satisfaction of a final showdown. Molly ends up in a room on the eve of her 18th birthday, the clock hits midnight, people talk, movie over. There's some inane twist shortly after, but it does nothing to make a remarkably bad movie any better.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley was a chore to watch. It's only about an hour and 26 minutes, but it feels at least double that. Anybody over the age of 14 that can sit through this garbage deserves some kind of medal. Unless you want to see one giant long cliché scare tactic (a flock of birds loudly flying by, a hand coming out of nowhere, a dead person coming alive for one final shock, etc.), I'd skip this one. The performances were actually pretty decent, but when the rest of the package is so dismal, what's it matter? I thought I had safely secured my top three worst films of the year; that is until I saw this nonsense. The Haunting of Molly Hartley is a complete disaster from start to finish.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley receives 0.5/5

Smith Tackles Taboo Subject with Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is like watching an actual porno. You thoroughly enjoy it while it is playing, but you feel slightly dirty afterwards. Kevin Smith’s newest sex romp may very well be the raunchiest, most uncomfortable movie I’ve ever sat through and yes, I’m recommending it.

The film follows Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) who have been best friends their whole lives. They live together in an apartment, but can’t pay the bills. After the heat, water, and power get shut off, they decide to make a porno to make some extra money. Although their relationship is purely platonic, they realize during the shoot that they may have deeper feelings for each other than they previously thought.

Kevin Smith is the Quentin Tarantino of comedy. Just like Tarantino, Smith has been lauded for his clever writing and interesting dialogue between characters. Ranging from Clerks to Dogma to the more recent Clerks II, Smith has made seriously funny movies that hide a layer of sweetness under all of the smut. Still, Zack and Miri Make a Porno doesn’t quite feel like a Kevin Smith movie. In a way, it feels more like a Judd Apatow movie. Instead of creating humor off of the interactions between the characters like Smith usually does, the jokes work more as throwaway one-liners, much like Apatow films.

While Smith does his best to provide his trademark style of film, Seth Rogen is more akin to Apatow movies and since those are usually flat out hilarious, you would think there wouldn’t be a downside, but there is. The problem is that the two styles don’t seem to mix very well. It was a mish-mash combination where Smith’s trademark dialogue was overshadowed by Rogen’s one-liners.

Still, there are some good laughs to be had. I had a good hearty chuckle on more than a few occasions, but not enough to make the film more than a good waste of time. The issue here is that only one or two jokes will stay with you. You’ll think back on the film and remember how you laughed, but forget why you were laughing. The jokes were instantly forgettable and as such, the film fails to reach greatness.

I also found the relationship between Zack and Miri to be too inconsistent and unbelievable to strike any kind of emotional chord in me. As with any movie of this type, the two protagonists somehow find out they have deep feelings for each other. In this film, those feelings are found through making a porno. A porno? Really? I couldn’t shake the idea that most women who give up their values to star in a low budget porn movie would probably end up emotionally scarred, not falling in love with their co-star.

Don’t get me wrong. This is still a decent time at the movies and I suspect many people will come out of it shocked at what they have just seen. This is one filthy film. It is without a doubt, one of the most vulgar movies I’ve ever seen. In this regard, many people will love it and herald it as a comedy masterpiece, but those people will probably be about thirteen. Zack and Miri Make a Porno is worth a look, but like an actual porno, it’s pretty worthless after you’re done with it.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno receives 3/5

Jigsaw's Legacy Lives on with Saw V

The Saw franchise is a rare breed indeed. Any horror movie that is moderately successful usually gets enough sequels to fill up a whole rack in Blockbuster. Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, all of those franchises started out strong and then were run straight into the ground by lackluster or downright lousy sequels, but Saw has managed to be entertaining through all five movies thanks to some clever stories, interesting twists, and a serial killer that we all love to hate.

If you’ve been keeping up with this franchise, you already know that Jigsaw died in the third movie. If you haven’t, I apologize for ruining that for you, but you can’t talk about the new movie without discussing the previous ones. You’ll get over it. As the end of the fourth film showed, Detective Hoffman is now set to carry on Jigsaw’s legacy. This entry picks up precisely where part four left off with Agent Strahm locked in the room with the dead Jigsaw. He finds a way out, gets ambushed, and wakes up to find himself in a death trap. He survives and has reason to suspect Hoffman may be connected with the now deceased killer. Hoffman must finish off all loose ends, so while Strahm investigates the matter, Hoffman sets up one final game.

Take a second and think of the popular horror franchises out there. Now think about their stories. I bet you can’t. The fact of the matter is that no matter how revered a franchise like Friday the 13th or Halloween may be within the horror community, they don’t have much in the way of their stories. That is why I’ve got to hand it to all of the writers that have contributed to the Saw films. They attempt to give us intriguing narratives filled with twists and turns that all somehow fit into the overall story arc and they mostly succeed.

Still, they seem to be messing around with the formula a bit too much. The writers are taking a simple premise established in the first film—a dying man teaches those who don’t appreciate life how precious it is through self mutilation—and making it unnecessarily convoluted. This entry explores the relationship between Jigsaw and Detective Hoffman and how he came to be the killer’s apprentice. Therefore, the timeline jumps around a lot, but it doesn’t just jump around in the context of this film. It jumps around within all five of them. There are aspects taken all the way back from the first movie that are explored in this one that don’t seem prudent to what this picture is trying to accomplish. I actually found myself a little befuddled by the end. Last year, I walked out of Saw IV scratching my noggin and it happened again this year with Saw V.

In a way though, I welcome that confusion because if the film didn’t jump around through the whole franchise, Tobin Bell wouldn’t be in it. Bell is deliciously evil as the serial killer Jigsaw, but plays it perfectly cool, almost in a way that you kind of want to hang out with him. He puts people in death traps, but claims he has never killed anybody in his life. He always gives them a means to survive and in the process teaches them that they aren’t leading their lives the way they ought to. Although Jigsaw met his demise two movies ago, his inclusion is a necessity because there is no franchise without him.

Despite its somewhat confusing story, I still had fun with this one. It’s probably the weakest of the five, the twist is underwhelming, the story is confusing, and it left plenty of questions on the table (to be answered in the inevitable Saw VI: Death of a Franchise), but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Saw V isn’t going to convert any non-fans over to the dark side, but it will provide enough blood, guts, and thrills to satiate those souls who’ve already been tainted.

Saw V receives 3.5/5

Top 10 Movies to Watch on Halloween

Who doesn't love Halloween? It's the only major holiday during the year when we don't have to remember some important event or act like we enjoy being around people that we otherwise can't stand. I don't suspect many would admit it, but there is a little part in all of us that doesn't like holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving because we have to act like we care about people we otherwise hate to be around. That's the beauty of Halloween. It's a simple holiday that asks very little of us. Adults dress up and look stupid, kids gather buckets of candy to help contribute to their inevitable obesity problem, and everyone in between just wants to sit down and watch a good scary movie. For those of you in the latter category, I'm here to help you pick the 10 best movies to watch on Halloween. Keep in mind that these aren't necessarily of the best quality, but they are what I consider the most fun. Some are scary, some are funny, some aren't even horror movies, but they are all worthy of Halloween. So here you have my list for the best movies to watch on Halloween.


10. Poltergeist-Perhaps the greatest haunted house movie ever made, Poltergeist raised the bar for what ghost movies can be. Granted, this one is pretty hum-drum compared to more recent ghost stories due to its unusually slow pace, but I think that just makes it all the more effective. It gives you time to get to know the characters, so when the hauntings begin to reach their full effect, you are genuinely frightened for the family's safety. Putting a child in peril is probably the easiest way for any audience to sympathize and it's admittedly a pretty cheap tactic, but it worked here better than you could ever hope. Heather O'Rourke, whose life was tragically cut short in 1988, plays Carol Anne with a touch of sweetness that practically forces you to fall in love with her. There's a sense of desperation in the film that grabs you by the throat and makes you pray everything turns out okay. Poltergeist is about as good as haunted house stories get.

9. The Nightmare Before Christmas-The best part about this animated classic is that it isn't only a terrific movie to watch on Halloween, it works just as well around Christmas. Today, we're so bogged down by that fancy pants CGI animation that we forget about how beautiful other forms of animation are. A film like Beauty and the Beast shows how excellent hand drawn animation can be, but The Nightmare Before Christmas is more of a template for how all stop motion animation (or in laymen terms, claymation) should be. This is a movie that can be enjoyed just by looking at it. You could easily watch it on mute and simply gaze in awe at the gorgeous visuals. The film fills every corner of the screen with terrific images that cannot all be seen in one viewing. It's a movie that begs to be watched again and again and again, and rightfully so. If you don't want to take your child or younger sibling out trick or treating, The Nightmare Before Christmas will serve as a great way to keep the younger audiences entertained while dazzling the more mature folks as well.

8. Dead series-Ok, I'm cheating a little bit here. Any Halloween movie list needs a good zombie flick, but I couldn't pick just one. Although George Romero has more or less tarnished his reputation as zombie king with the mediocre Land of the Dead and lackluster Diary of the Dead, he will always be remembered for practically inventing the zombie genre with Night of the Living Dead and then perfecting it with Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. By mixing terrifying bloodletting at the hands of these vicious creatures with a smart social commentary, Romero has created masterpieces that are unrivaled in the genre. Although Night, Dawn, and Day are all worthy of your time (hence being jumbled together on this list), Dawn of the Dead is arguably the best. Underneath the pack of flesh eaters lays an intelligent, thought provoking commentary about bourgeois culture and consumerism that is just as relevant today as it was back in 1978.

7. Killer Klowns From Outer Space-This may very well be the greatest B-movie to ever grace the screen. Having never heard of it before I saw it in a bargain bin at a local video store, I snatched it up based solely on the title alone. Killer Klowns From Outer Space? How could that not be a winner? Luckily, my instincts were right. I laughed through the whole film. This is a B-movie that knows it is a B-movie. It never takes itself too seriously and is content to fill the screen with terrible dialogue, laughable "scares," and awesome clowns. I fear that there is really nothing I can say that will convince you to watch this movie, so let me just say this. You haven't seen terror until you see a freaky looking space clown suck the blood out of their cotton-candy-encased victim. If you're the type of person who would rather laugh themselves silly then scare themselves stupid, this is the movie for you.

6. The Shining-One of the most frightening films ever made, The Shining isn't your typical horror film that attempts to scare you with jump scenes or gross out moments. No, this film is so scary because it shows the slow descent into madness that the protagonist Jack, brilliantly played by Jack Nicholson, suffers from being isolated in Overlook Hotel. Directed by Stanley Kubrick of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Full Metal Jacket fame, The Shining gives us some of the most iconic moments in all of film, "redrum" (murder backwards) and Nicholson's famous ad-libbed "Here's Johnny!" being the most recognizable. Although there have been quite a few terrific Stephen King adaptations, The Shining is still the most eerie and easily the best.

5. Alien-As far as science fiction movies go, none have matched the terror that director Ridley Scott created with Alien. Forget the sequels and the embarrassingly terrible Alien vs. Predator films. No amount of sequels can tarnish this tasty descent into Hell. Alien is a two hour movie built on atmosphere and the unexpected. Just as you start to relax and think that everything is going to be okay, something shocks and disturbs you. It lures you into that false sense of security only to show you the horror that has been waiting. Perhaps the greatest sci-fi moment in film history is after the horror has died down and the crew is simply having dinner together. Everything seems fine, that is until a monster bursts out of the stomach of one of the crewmates. It was moments like these that told the viewer that they could never, ever relax. There was always something lurking around the corner. Couple this with a surprising sense of claustrophobia (big ship, but nowhere to run) and you have a scare-fest for the ages.

4. Hatchet-There's no denying that classic horror movies tend to be the best. Most horror nowadays doesn't so much scare you as it does gross you out. That is why a movie like Hostel will never be good. But in the right context, graphic violence can be fun. That is where Hatchet comes in. Released only a year ago, Hatchet is an excellent example of how to make a modern day horror movie. It doesn't attempt to reinvent the wheel and instead relies on the tried and true slasher formula. Hatchet bills itself as "Old School American Horror" and I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who would argue otherwise. All it does is deliver ample amounts of nudity and violence, much like slashers from the 80's. I can't defend slasher movies for being the cream of the crop when it comes to genre fare, but I won't deny my affection for them. In these kid friendly days of watered down, PG-13 slasher films, it was a breath of fresh air to see Hatchet. It's insanely bloody, but never takes itself to seriously. In fact, it's quite often hilarious. If you're not laughing at the over-the-top bloodletting, you'll be cracking up at the cleverly written and delivered jokes. Hatchet may not have any class, but it's got plenty of awesome. What more can you ask for?

3. The Exorcist-What can I say about The Exorcist that hasn't already been said? It's unflinchingly terrifying and brutally realistic, considering it's over 30 years old. This is one of the only movies I can remember giving me a nightmare, and I didn't even see it until I was about 18! If somebody tells you that they didn't find this film disturbing, then they're lying. Who wouldn't be shocked by a young girl masturbating with the crucifix and yelling obscenities that even a sailor would shy away from? Linda Blair gives what is one of the greatest performances in horror history as Regan, the young child who is possessed by the devil and she is what makes this film. Her childhood innocence makes you fear for her, but be fearful of her as well. The Exorcist truly is one of the most horrific films ever made. If you want an even scarier experience, check out the director's cut of the film, which features extra scenes and subliminal images that will make you question your own sanity.

2. Dead Alive-Known in other parts of the world as Braindead, Dead Alive is without a doubt, the goriest film ever made. I haven't seen the R rated version, but the unrated film packs an insane amount of over the top violence into an hour and a half. Have you ever wanted to see two zombies have sex and have a baby? Check this one out. Have you ever wanted to see that baby crawl inside a woman's body, punch out the sides of her head, and pull her face open? You will here. What about a climax where the protagonist takes a lawnmower and hacks a room full of zombies into little bits? Watch Dead Alive. And the wonderful thing is that these are only a few of the outrageously awesome moments of gore that the film offers. Be warned though. It starts out a bit slow, but once it erupts, it erupts big. The film was directed by Peter Jackson who went on to direct such major motion pictures as King Kong and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, so you can expect a lot of style to accompany the insanity. The film isn't for the squeamish, but if you don't mind an overabundance of gore, you won't find a more fun movie on this list than Dead Alive.

1. Halloween-Honestly, did you expect a different number one? Halloween is and forever will be the scariest horror film ever made. I've seen the movie countless times and it still gives me the creeps after all these years. Not to be confused with Rob Zombie's awful "reimagining," John Carpenter's 1978 masterpiece stands the test of time. It set the bar for all slasher movies to come and was the reason the 80's had a slasher movie boom. Everybody wanted to capitalize on the overwhelming success of Halloween, which is still one of the most profitable independent films ever made. Jamie Lee Curtis made a name for herself as Laurie Strode, the young high school student who is stalked by Michael Myers, giving her the title of "Scream Queen" due to her roles in many horror films throughout the 80's. Although the movie never explains why Michael is doing this (their sibling connection wasn't established until the next film), it never matters. The film is perfect just the way it is. Forget the lackluster sequels and the countless imitators that came after. Halloween is absolutely terrifying and a true masterpiece.