Jigsaw's Legacy Lives on with Saw V

The Saw franchise is a rare breed indeed. Any horror movie that is moderately successful usually gets enough sequels to fill up a whole rack in Blockbuster. Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, all of those franchises started out strong and then were run straight into the ground by lackluster or downright lousy sequels, but Saw has managed to be entertaining through all five movies thanks to some clever stories, interesting twists, and a serial killer that we all love to hate.

If you’ve been keeping up with this franchise, you already know that Jigsaw died in the third movie. If you haven’t, I apologize for ruining that for you, but you can’t talk about the new movie without discussing the previous ones. You’ll get over it. As the end of the fourth film showed, Detective Hoffman is now set to carry on Jigsaw’s legacy. This entry picks up precisely where part four left off with Agent Strahm locked in the room with the dead Jigsaw. He finds a way out, gets ambushed, and wakes up to find himself in a death trap. He survives and has reason to suspect Hoffman may be connected with the now deceased killer. Hoffman must finish off all loose ends, so while Strahm investigates the matter, Hoffman sets up one final game.

Take a second and think of the popular horror franchises out there. Now think about their stories. I bet you can’t. The fact of the matter is that no matter how revered a franchise like Friday the 13th or Halloween may be within the horror community, they don’t have much in the way of their stories. That is why I’ve got to hand it to all of the writers that have contributed to the Saw films. They attempt to give us intriguing narratives filled with twists and turns that all somehow fit into the overall story arc and they mostly succeed.

Still, they seem to be messing around with the formula a bit too much. The writers are taking a simple premise established in the first film—a dying man teaches those who don’t appreciate life how precious it is through self mutilation—and making it unnecessarily convoluted. This entry explores the relationship between Jigsaw and Detective Hoffman and how he came to be the killer’s apprentice. Therefore, the timeline jumps around a lot, but it doesn’t just jump around in the context of this film. It jumps around within all five of them. There are aspects taken all the way back from the first movie that are explored in this one that don’t seem prudent to what this picture is trying to accomplish. I actually found myself a little befuddled by the end. Last year, I walked out of Saw IV scratching my noggin and it happened again this year with Saw V.

In a way though, I welcome that confusion because if the film didn’t jump around through the whole franchise, Tobin Bell wouldn’t be in it. Bell is deliciously evil as the serial killer Jigsaw, but plays it perfectly cool, almost in a way that you kind of want to hang out with him. He puts people in death traps, but claims he has never killed anybody in his life. He always gives them a means to survive and in the process teaches them that they aren’t leading their lives the way they ought to. Although Jigsaw met his demise two movies ago, his inclusion is a necessity because there is no franchise without him.

Despite its somewhat confusing story, I still had fun with this one. It’s probably the weakest of the five, the twist is underwhelming, the story is confusing, and it left plenty of questions on the table (to be answered in the inevitable Saw VI: Death of a Franchise), but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Saw V isn’t going to convert any non-fans over to the dark side, but it will provide enough blood, guts, and thrills to satiate those souls who’ve already been tainted.

Saw V receives 3.5/5

Top 10 Movies to Watch on Halloween

Who doesn't love Halloween? It's the only major holiday during the year when we don't have to remember some important event or act like we enjoy being around people that we otherwise can't stand. I don't suspect many would admit it, but there is a little part in all of us that doesn't like holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving because we have to act like we care about people we otherwise hate to be around. That's the beauty of Halloween. It's a simple holiday that asks very little of us. Adults dress up and look stupid, kids gather buckets of candy to help contribute to their inevitable obesity problem, and everyone in between just wants to sit down and watch a good scary movie. For those of you in the latter category, I'm here to help you pick the 10 best movies to watch on Halloween. Keep in mind that these aren't necessarily of the best quality, but they are what I consider the most fun. Some are scary, some are funny, some aren't even horror movies, but they are all worthy of Halloween. So here you have my list for the best movies to watch on Halloween.


10. Poltergeist-Perhaps the greatest haunted house movie ever made, Poltergeist raised the bar for what ghost movies can be. Granted, this one is pretty hum-drum compared to more recent ghost stories due to its unusually slow pace, but I think that just makes it all the more effective. It gives you time to get to know the characters, so when the hauntings begin to reach their full effect, you are genuinely frightened for the family's safety. Putting a child in peril is probably the easiest way for any audience to sympathize and it's admittedly a pretty cheap tactic, but it worked here better than you could ever hope. Heather O'Rourke, whose life was tragically cut short in 1988, plays Carol Anne with a touch of sweetness that practically forces you to fall in love with her. There's a sense of desperation in the film that grabs you by the throat and makes you pray everything turns out okay. Poltergeist is about as good as haunted house stories get.

9. The Nightmare Before Christmas-The best part about this animated classic is that it isn't only a terrific movie to watch on Halloween, it works just as well around Christmas. Today, we're so bogged down by that fancy pants CGI animation that we forget about how beautiful other forms of animation are. A film like Beauty and the Beast shows how excellent hand drawn animation can be, but The Nightmare Before Christmas is more of a template for how all stop motion animation (or in laymen terms, claymation) should be. This is a movie that can be enjoyed just by looking at it. You could easily watch it on mute and simply gaze in awe at the gorgeous visuals. The film fills every corner of the screen with terrific images that cannot all be seen in one viewing. It's a movie that begs to be watched again and again and again, and rightfully so. If you don't want to take your child or younger sibling out trick or treating, The Nightmare Before Christmas will serve as a great way to keep the younger audiences entertained while dazzling the more mature folks as well.

8. Dead series-Ok, I'm cheating a little bit here. Any Halloween movie list needs a good zombie flick, but I couldn't pick just one. Although George Romero has more or less tarnished his reputation as zombie king with the mediocre Land of the Dead and lackluster Diary of the Dead, he will always be remembered for practically inventing the zombie genre with Night of the Living Dead and then perfecting it with Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. By mixing terrifying bloodletting at the hands of these vicious creatures with a smart social commentary, Romero has created masterpieces that are unrivaled in the genre. Although Night, Dawn, and Day are all worthy of your time (hence being jumbled together on this list), Dawn of the Dead is arguably the best. Underneath the pack of flesh eaters lays an intelligent, thought provoking commentary about bourgeois culture and consumerism that is just as relevant today as it was back in 1978.

7. Killer Klowns From Outer Space-This may very well be the greatest B-movie to ever grace the screen. Having never heard of it before I saw it in a bargain bin at a local video store, I snatched it up based solely on the title alone. Killer Klowns From Outer Space? How could that not be a winner? Luckily, my instincts were right. I laughed through the whole film. This is a B-movie that knows it is a B-movie. It never takes itself too seriously and is content to fill the screen with terrible dialogue, laughable "scares," and awesome clowns. I fear that there is really nothing I can say that will convince you to watch this movie, so let me just say this. You haven't seen terror until you see a freaky looking space clown suck the blood out of their cotton-candy-encased victim. If you're the type of person who would rather laugh themselves silly then scare themselves stupid, this is the movie for you.

6. The Shining-One of the most frightening films ever made, The Shining isn't your typical horror film that attempts to scare you with jump scenes or gross out moments. No, this film is so scary because it shows the slow descent into madness that the protagonist Jack, brilliantly played by Jack Nicholson, suffers from being isolated in Overlook Hotel. Directed by Stanley Kubrick of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Full Metal Jacket fame, The Shining gives us some of the most iconic moments in all of film, "redrum" (murder backwards) and Nicholson's famous ad-libbed "Here's Johnny!" being the most recognizable. Although there have been quite a few terrific Stephen King adaptations, The Shining is still the most eerie and easily the best.

5. Alien-As far as science fiction movies go, none have matched the terror that director Ridley Scott created with Alien. Forget the sequels and the embarrassingly terrible Alien vs. Predator films. No amount of sequels can tarnish this tasty descent into Hell. Alien is a two hour movie built on atmosphere and the unexpected. Just as you start to relax and think that everything is going to be okay, something shocks and disturbs you. It lures you into that false sense of security only to show you the horror that has been waiting. Perhaps the greatest sci-fi moment in film history is after the horror has died down and the crew is simply having dinner together. Everything seems fine, that is until a monster bursts out of the stomach of one of the crewmates. It was moments like these that told the viewer that they could never, ever relax. There was always something lurking around the corner. Couple this with a surprising sense of claustrophobia (big ship, but nowhere to run) and you have a scare-fest for the ages.

4. Hatchet-There's no denying that classic horror movies tend to be the best. Most horror nowadays doesn't so much scare you as it does gross you out. That is why a movie like Hostel will never be good. But in the right context, graphic violence can be fun. That is where Hatchet comes in. Released only a year ago, Hatchet is an excellent example of how to make a modern day horror movie. It doesn't attempt to reinvent the wheel and instead relies on the tried and true slasher formula. Hatchet bills itself as "Old School American Horror" and I think you'd be hard pressed to find somebody who would argue otherwise. All it does is deliver ample amounts of nudity and violence, much like slashers from the 80's. I can't defend slasher movies for being the cream of the crop when it comes to genre fare, but I won't deny my affection for them. In these kid friendly days of watered down, PG-13 slasher films, it was a breath of fresh air to see Hatchet. It's insanely bloody, but never takes itself to seriously. In fact, it's quite often hilarious. If you're not laughing at the over-the-top bloodletting, you'll be cracking up at the cleverly written and delivered jokes. Hatchet may not have any class, but it's got plenty of awesome. What more can you ask for?

3. The Exorcist-What can I say about The Exorcist that hasn't already been said? It's unflinchingly terrifying and brutally realistic, considering it's over 30 years old. This is one of the only movies I can remember giving me a nightmare, and I didn't even see it until I was about 18! If somebody tells you that they didn't find this film disturbing, then they're lying. Who wouldn't be shocked by a young girl masturbating with the crucifix and yelling obscenities that even a sailor would shy away from? Linda Blair gives what is one of the greatest performances in horror history as Regan, the young child who is possessed by the devil and she is what makes this film. Her childhood innocence makes you fear for her, but be fearful of her as well. The Exorcist truly is one of the most horrific films ever made. If you want an even scarier experience, check out the director's cut of the film, which features extra scenes and subliminal images that will make you question your own sanity.

2. Dead Alive-Known in other parts of the world as Braindead, Dead Alive is without a doubt, the goriest film ever made. I haven't seen the R rated version, but the unrated film packs an insane amount of over the top violence into an hour and a half. Have you ever wanted to see two zombies have sex and have a baby? Check this one out. Have you ever wanted to see that baby crawl inside a woman's body, punch out the sides of her head, and pull her face open? You will here. What about a climax where the protagonist takes a lawnmower and hacks a room full of zombies into little bits? Watch Dead Alive. And the wonderful thing is that these are only a few of the outrageously awesome moments of gore that the film offers. Be warned though. It starts out a bit slow, but once it erupts, it erupts big. The film was directed by Peter Jackson who went on to direct such major motion pictures as King Kong and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, so you can expect a lot of style to accompany the insanity. The film isn't for the squeamish, but if you don't mind an overabundance of gore, you won't find a more fun movie on this list than Dead Alive.

1. Halloween-Honestly, did you expect a different number one? Halloween is and forever will be the scariest horror film ever made. I've seen the movie countless times and it still gives me the creeps after all these years. Not to be confused with Rob Zombie's awful "reimagining," John Carpenter's 1978 masterpiece stands the test of time. It set the bar for all slasher movies to come and was the reason the 80's had a slasher movie boom. Everybody wanted to capitalize on the overwhelming success of Halloween, which is still one of the most profitable independent films ever made. Jamie Lee Curtis made a name for herself as Laurie Strode, the young high school student who is stalked by Michael Myers, giving her the title of "Scream Queen" due to her roles in many horror films throughout the 80's. Although the movie never explains why Michael is doing this (their sibling connection wasn't established until the next film), it never matters. The film is perfect just the way it is. Forget the lackluster sequels and the countless imitators that came after. Halloween is absolutely terrifying and a true masterpiece.

Disaster(ous) Movie

Never before has a title been more fittingly appropriate than Disaster Movie. It truly is a disaster of a movie. Void of class, wit and intelligence, it’s not just one of the worst films of the year. It’s one of the worst films I’ve ever seen.

This atrocity is brought to us by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the same clowns who gave us such cinematic turds as Epic Movie, Date Movie and Meet the Spartans. The laughing stocks of Hollywood, these two have time and again released terrible, shameful, stupid films to the undeserving public.

In fact, I believe that every time one of their movies is played, our collective IQ’s drop. Did you feel that? That was a screening of Disaster Movie finishing and you getting stupider. To be honest, I fear for our world. Surely the fact that these two bozos keep getting the money to make their celluloid abominations is a sign of the apocalypse.

One of the fundamental problems here is that every other film they are spoofing is infinitely better, with the possible exception of 10,000 B.C. They spoof Iron Man, Get Smart, No Country For Old Men, Enchanted, Juno, Indiana Jones, Beowulf, Wanted, Kung Fu Panda, High School Musical and more. So despite its implied title, it rarely spoofs actual disaster movies. It should have been called Any Movie to Come Out in the Last Two Years Movie.

Just like many spoof movies rely on randomness to produce laughs, so goes Disaster Movie. But the difference between this and, say, The Naked Gun films is that they were actually funny and still are today thanks to their jokes being snatched from the film world rather than pop culture. In this picture, the wisecracks not ripped from another movie almost always stemmed from pop culture which makes future viewings irrelevant and nonsensical. Miley Cyrus shows up to promote her album as she dies, Jessica Simpson appears to sing badly and Michael Jackson hides in a trunk with a young boy. Michael Jackson? Really? The jokes in the film are old hat, poorly constructed and won’t make sense a few years from now.

Another problem is that Friedberg and Seltzer do not understand that it is not inherently funny to simply have characters from other movies show up just for the sake of being there. You have to give them something to do to make it funny. Iron Man shows up at one point in the movie and a cow is dropped on him. Shortly after, the Hulk shows up and a cow is dropped on him. Then Hellboy shows up. Guess what happens? A cow is dropped on him. It was like the filmmakers wanted us to say, “Oh, how funny! It’s Iron Man, but this isn’t an Iron Man movie! Tee hee!” But it isn’t funny. It’s disheartening to think that the only gags they could come up with relating to these heroes were to hit them with cows. These guys couldn’t create humor onscreen if God himself had written the script.

It’s rare for a movie to be so bad that you can herald it as one of the most abysmal things ever to be put on screen, but then along comes the truly appalling Disaster Movie. It is dreadful in every way and it deserves no recognition whatsoever. The only reason to ever watch this dreck is to see just how low filmmaking can go.

Disaster Movie receives 0/5

Religulous: Blasphemous, Offensive, and Crude. A Must See!

Given the amount of violence in our world today, we have a lot to complain about. There are multiple wars going on all over the world, people are getting murdered, raped, and mutilated day in and day out, and we are in constant fear that something will happen to somebody we love. However, instead of trying to find the real reason as to why these devastations occur, we use scapegoats. Every time a new Grand Theft Auto video game comes out, we hear about a murder being connected to it. Every time a new Saw film is released, the various news channels condemn it for the way it glamorizes violence. But what really causes this violence? Religulous believes that organized religion and the falsities that accompany them are to blame.

Religulous is a new documentary starring Bill Maher and directed by Larry Charles, the director of the popular mockumentary, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, that sets out to explain the hypocrisies of organized religion and debunk their alleged "facts." But given Maher's comedic talent, they wanted to make it as humorous as possible. I could go on for hours talking about religion, how the film portrays it, and what it hopes to tell you, but the important thing is this. Is it a good movie? Absolutely. Religulous may make you scowl. It may offend you. But it will also create discussion and it will make you laugh until you can't breathe.

Bill Maher travels the globe going to prominent religious locations, including the Vatican (which he is promptly thrown out of) and Jerusalem in an effort to explain to people why their beliefs are a farce, usually with hilarious results. I've got to hand it to him. He knew what he was talking about. He had his opinions and had scripture or data to back them up. However, the main problem of the movie is that he mostly talked to normal Joe Schmoes. Rather than seeking out learned theologians or scientists, he just went and talked to anybody of faith who have blindly followed their religion without thinking it over. In essence though, that's probably the point of the film. Had he talked to more than a couple of learned scholars, the film wouldn't have been as interesting because they would just reinforce Maher's beliefs.

Still, credit must be given to Maher who tried to talk to non-theologians and non-scientists that held a position of power. He discussed creationism vs. evolution with Mark Pryor, a US Senator from Arkansas and he tried to interview the Pope. But even these people have no true understanding of science or theology. They deny proven scientific fact because it contradicts their beliefs. There's no doubt that the Pope is probably the most prominent religious figure in the world, but the movie questions why that is. Why would over one billion people around the world base their beliefs on one man who is "infallible?"

Although Maher takes jabs at Muslims, Jews, Scientologists, and Mormons, he spends the majority of the film questioning Christians, and understandably so since they are in power. Our government (especially the conservatives, the film argues) stresses the importance of a Christian nation and that our founding fathers intended for us to be a Christian nation. However, Maher presents real quotes from quite a few founding fathers, including Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson, who say we'd be better off without religion. This is quite interesting because it shows how wrong people are when they don't take the time to research their beliefs. They simply hear it, follow it, and that's that.

And that is Maher's real argument. He tells the audience that if anybody tells you that they know what happens after you die, they're lying because nobody does. At one point, he admits that the beliefs that religion teach are one possibility, but isn't there also a possibility that nothing happens, that life just simply ends? Why is it that organized religions won't open their minds to what else can occur after death? The film argues that all religious people "know" that they are right, but they don't. That argument should be pretty obvious, but people of faith refuse to admit it and that's a sad fact.

All of that may seem heavy-handed. It may seem like a film a lot of people won't want to see, but I believe it's a film people need to see, especially religious extremists who see no truth other than what is written in a book. I don't believe religion is wrong. I also don't believe that ridding the world of religion will prevent wars like the film does. We will always fight over something. It is our nature. But there's no arguing that the various organized religions incite hatred, murder, discrimination, and homophobia. If nothing else, Religulous will create discussion and that's a good thing. If we don't question our beliefs, then what's the point in believing?

Religulous receives 4.5/5

Keep your politics at the door for W.

W. is a movie that I suspect will surprise many people who give it a fair shot. Most people will expect the film to be a liberal propaganda piece to deter voters away from voting Republican next month. In a way it is, but it's also so much more than that. Those expecting a 2 hour long Bush bash will not find it in W.

Unfortunately, most people probably won't give it a fair shot and that, I think, will be the film's biggest problem at the box office. It won't appeal to the few Republicans who go to see W. because they will argue that Oliver Stone went too far with his jabs at President Bush, although that isn't the case at all. It also won't appeal to Democrats because they'll think the film didn't go far enough, and they'll be missing the entire point. The point isn't to make fun of President Bush or even talk about his alleged failed policies the Democrats are up in arms about. The film is a biopic about the life of George W. Bush, how he got to where he is today, and what went wrong along the way.

Yes, believe it or not this is remarkably fair to the President who has secured the record for the lowest approval rating in modern American history. In fact, W. takes this hated man and humanizes him in a way that makes us feel compassion for him. It shows Bush as a good person who just simply makes mistakes, as we all do. Late in the film, after it has been discovered that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Bush tells Laura that he only wanted to do what was best for the country. He wanted nothing more than to make the world a better place. Whether you love him or hate him, we all know that he does love our country and does what he thinks is best. The problem is how he did it.

This is what the film explores the most. However, Bush isn't really its main target. What the picture shows are the characters around him and how they contributed into him making the decisions he did. As Bush and his famous administration, including Condoleezza Rice, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and Colin Powell, sit around and discuss what to do about the war on terror, its evident that Bush isn't the one making the decisions. They argue back and forth and Bush simply listens and makes his judgment calls based on what he hears. At one point, Cheney asks Bush whether he would eat lettuce if there was a 1% chance of him dying and Bush said no. He argued that even if there was a 1% chance of Iraq having weapons of mass destruction, that would warrant our invasion. I believe that the point the film is trying to make is this: Bush cannot be blamed for all that has happened. There were many facets that aided his decision making.

But is it a good movie? I've been typing here giving you lots of information into how President Bush is portrayed and what I think the message is, but I haven't really delved into whether or not you should go see it. Well, it's a mixed bag. W. suffers from an identity crisis. It isn't sure whether it wants to be a comedy or a drama. Sure, the movie explores the daddy issues inherent in the relationship between Bush and his father and it humanizes him for dramatic purposes, but it's not serious enough to be a good drama. And it has a few funny lines, but it isn't funny enough to be a comedy.

Although the film attempts to portray Bush in a neutral light, it still takes a few jabs at him. Some of these work and some don't. The ones that do work because they fit into the story, such as a great sequence where Bush can't find the words to answer a question posed to him. This is so funny because Josh Brolin, the actor portraying him, is merely quoting him exactly how he said it in real life. Regardless of your feelings towards the man, we can all admit he has said some incredibly stupid things and this was one of them.

Still, most of the jabs at Bush seemed forced, awkward, and unnecessary. Who doesn't remember his famous "fool me once" line where he couldn't remember the quote? In W., this moment isn't during a speech as it was in actuality. Instead, it is in an unfit place that works more as a throwaway line to garner a few chuckles from the liberals in the crowd. The most pointless jab at President Bush was a completely unnecessary sequence involving him choking on a pretzel watching a football game, as he did in real life. The only reason for this scene was to say, "Look how stupid he is! He can't even chew his food!" It didn't work, it was disposable, and should have been left out.

Despite all this, the film still manages to work. Although it chronicles the life of George Bush, I fully understand that a lot of it is fictionalized. There is no way to know exactly what was said behind closed doors. However, Oliver Stone gives us one possibility of what was said that seems plausible given where our nation is today. Conservatives will label W. a liberal propaganda film. They will be wrong. Liberals will label this an important look at the debacle that was the Bush administration. They will be wrong as well. Although it doesn't shy away from a few jokes at Bush's expense, W. is a sympathetic look inside the man that the country has turned its back on and deserves to be seen by liberals and conservatives alike.

W. receives 3.5/5

Quarantine yourself away from this movie.

Quarantine is what I like to call a “no sense movie” because the characters all lack common sense. I fully understand that horror movies rely on contrivances and illogical behavior to keep the horror coming, but this film takes stupidity to a whole new level. Never before have I sat through a movie and wanted the characters to meet their demises so badly so I could leave the theater. Frankly, they had it coming.

Quarantine utilizes the soon-to-be-annoying use of the first person shaky camera technique, where you only see what the character in the film sees through his or her lens. This tactic has been used in Diary of the Dead, The Blair Witch Project, and the amazing Cloverfield, among others. However, there is a stark contrast between Cloverfield and Quarantine. Cloverfield took you on a wild ride where you never knew what to expect. It boasted excellent performances from its cast and its special effects were dazzling. I’ll never forget seeing the Statue of Liberty’s head rolling down the street in a cloud full of dust, but I’ll eventually forget every second of Quarantine. The film uses the shaky camera technique not as a way to immerse you into the proceedings, but merely as a gimmick to keep production costs low and jump scenes abundant.

The film begins with Angela, played by Jennifer Carpenter, standing outside of a fire station where she and her cameraman will be spending the night. The purpose is to catch some action on film, so if the firefighters get a call, Angela is tagging along. As the alarm blazes and they make their way inside an apartment building where a distress call has been issued, they find a woman who viciously attacks one of the firefighters. As they try to leave and seek help, they find out they are quarantined inside the building and if they try to escape, they will be shot.

And that is precisely where Quarantine got too silly for its own good. This is a film with a lot of potential that could have been truly creepy, but I found it laughable due to the atrocious dialogue and stupidity of the characters. When they initially find that woman, she is pale, bleeding everywhere, and foaming from the mouth. Then she takes a chunk out of a firefighter’s neck. Logic would dictate that the next time you see somebody with similar symptoms, you stay away. But these people continually act oblivious to what is going on, approaching everybody they find regardless of the fact that their eyes are glazed over, they’re dripping in the red stuff, and the group’s previous encounters have all produced violent attacks.

It just seemed like too many things happened in a context that felt forced rather than realistic. Late in the movie, the owner of the apartment building informs the group that there is indeed a way out. The basement has a shaft that will lead them down to the sewers. Well, why didn’t he mention that to begin with, you know, before people started dying? The occurrences happened at the convenience of the screenplay rather than logically.

Even so, all of the blame can’t go to the script. Had the acting been better, it would have made what was going on more believable and thus easier to accept when the script began to hit those contrivances. But the performances were terrible. Jennifer Carpenter played it over the top, shrieking, panting, and wheezing through this entire movie and she began to grate on my nerves. If I were locked in that building with her, I would have off-ed her myself. She’s a poor actress who had one good role in The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Good for her, but it’s time to move on.

There are a few things that can tip you off that a horror movie will be weak. Sequels, remakes, or Americanized versions of foreign films usually tend to not bode well with fans of the genre. Unfortunately, Quarantine falls into one of those categories. It is an Americanized remake of the Spanish film [REC]. For that reason, it may as well have been dead on arrival. I gave it a fair shot and I tried to like it. I really did. But eventually, I grew tired of the nonsensical goings-on and wanted these idiotic characters to meet their justified fate. Had they been smarter, I may have felt otherwise, but let’s be honest. A group of ten year olds could survive longer in that building than the pack of morons in this movie. It’s almost Halloween and we all want a quality horror film that will scare the bejeesus out of us. Quarantine is not that film.

Quarantine receives 1.5/5