The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Review

There are plenty of movies to see this holiday season, that's for sure. But out of all of them, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is probably the most anticipated, and for good reason. It's directed by David Fincher, a man who has brought us excellent films like Zodiac, Panic Room, Fight Club, and the brilliant Se7en, it stars the always terrific Brad Pitt, and the trailer looks like the makings of an Oscar worthy film. Well, I'm saddened to say I don't think it quite reaches that level. It's still a very good film, but it fails to recognize its potential and falls just short of greatness.

Benjamin Button's (Brad Pitt) curious case is this: he was born an old man and instead of aging older, he is growing younger. He is born with poor eyesight, poor hearing, and a weakness that prevents him from moving freely. But as the years pass, he gets stronger and everything begins to improve. The unavoidable notion he must face is that he will one day become a baby and die.

That story, which is based on the 1921 short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, is ripe for the big screen treatment. Death is an inevitability and has been explored through countless other films, but never backwards. Despite some blunders along the way, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button does offer some enlightening insight into life, love, and the inescapable death that will one day come knocking on our doors. The message is simple: life is fleeting and when opportunities arise, jump at them because you may never get that chance again. Sometimes we forget that and need to be reminded. This film does a terrific job of doing just that.

However, the film doesn't always take its own advice. Some dramatic opportunities where the film really could have driven a point home and helped the audience relate to Benjamin are overshadowed by attempts at humor. Although some are funny, most aren't and they play too prominent a role in what should be a very serious look at life. There were moments where I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to laugh or cry due to the film's somewhat inconsistent tone.

Another fundamental problem is this. Benjamin Button is an extraordinary man. He was born an elder and is aging in reverse to infancy. He's a natural wonder, but nobody ever seems to be in awe of him. Outside of the occasional "wow," I didn't feel like others' reactions were explored enough. For instance, at one point in the movie, Button's love interest, played by Cate Blanchett, is in the hospital and he goes to see her. Last time she saw him, he was wrinkly with gray hairs popping out of his scalp. In this scene, he is vibrant and youthful, looking better than ever before. Instead of relishing in the opportunity to explore this incredible phenomenon, she hardly looks at him and kicks him out of the room as quickly as possible. The sense of wonder I was feeling towards Benjamin's remarkable backwards life wasn't shared by the other characters and is the main downfall of the film.

Still, this is a very good picture. For starters, it's beautiful to look at. Every frame is filled with gorgeous visuals that will sweep you off your feet and immerse you into what's going on. At one point, I actually forgot I was in a movie and was about to applaud the performers in a show Benjamin was watching. Despite some stumbles along the way, I still managed to submerse myself in the story while falling in love with Benjamin and caring about his life, which is a tremendous feat, helped in no small way by Brad Pitt's terrific performance as the titular character.

One of the greatest assets to the film is by far the make-up and special effects. They were simply astounding. In particular, the old (or is it young?) Benjamin looked great. Pitt is a tall, handsome guy, but they made him look small and hunchbacked to great effect. I even tried to spot where he ended and the special effects began, but I never could. The two seamed together to create a flawless image of old man Button.

This film has a few problems, but this is a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. Sure, some dramatic opportunities were missed and the natural wonderment most of us would be feeling wasn't properly portrayed through the other characters, but the direction is fantastic, the acting is superb, the special effects and make-up are top notch, and the message is important. Does it reach greatness? Not quite. But is it a film that must be seen? Absolutely. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button may be a minor letdown, but it's still a great flick that will help you appreciate how precious life is and why we need to cherish every moment. In the end, it really is a beautiful movie.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button receives 4/5

The Best Films of 2008

What a year it was for movies. This year we were blessed with a wide array of fantastic films, which guaranteed that everybody saw something that they absolutely loved. We got the resurrections of two amazing action icons (although Indy didn't make it to the list--poor guy), an animated masterpiece, some enlightening documentaries, and a movie that nobody saw about a bat. Despite some real stinkers that I detailed last week for you in my worst of the year list (which you can read right here), 2008 was a big year for movies and I'm happy to give you what I consider to be the ten best films of the year.

NOTE: Not all of these movies were technically released in 2008. Some premiered at film festivals, but received wider releases this year. I've included those as 2008 releases.

10. Rambo-Ok, I'll concede to you that this movie probably doesn't belong on this list. In a year filled with touching and thought provoking films, Rambo is probably not an ideal candidate for this coveted spot. Technically, it's a very mediocre film and stylistically, it does nothing to set it apart from the multitude of other action vehicles. But I'll be damned if this isn't one kick ass action flick. I honestly don't think I've had this much fun in a theater since I was a small child. Despite its somber and depressing beginning, when this film broke out, it broke out big. From the thirty minute mark until the end, I sat there with a big stupid smile on my face in sinful glee at the mayhem I was seeing before me. It had been 20 years since the last Rambo film, but luckily, age hasn't held our hero down. You'll get to see him take down a group of soldiers with a bow and arrow, wipe out a whole platoon with a turret gun, and chop off a guy's head with a machete all in grisly fashion. If you've ever wanted to see Rambo rip somebody's throat out with his bare hand (and God knows I have), then this is the film for you. In fact, this action flick probably has one of the highest body counts I've ever seen and I would argue that it is much more gruesome than any horror flick to come out in recent memory, and yes, that includes the Saw pictures. I'm sick and tired of PG-13 action movies with toned down violence. This is the way they should be. Rambo is a must see for any red blooded American male.

9. Slumdog Millionaire-I debated over what to put in this spot because there were a bunch of movies I've seen this year that deserve a place on this list. In the end, I decided on Slumdog Millionaire if only because it's quite unique for a romance movie and the whole concept is simply brilliant. The film is about Jamal, a young boy who is only one question away from winning 20 million rupees on India's "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" However, a person his age has never made it past a certain point, much less gotten to the final question. He is accused of cheating and in order to prove his innocence, he must explain how he knew each and every question. The story is told through flashbacks that chronicle an important and unforgettable event in his life that somehow lead him to the answer. Sometimes the answers are tied to happy memories, but more often they are linked to moments he wishes he could forget, but can't, like the murder of his mother. Like I said, it is quite brilliant and I really got involved in Jamal's life. However, the whole point of him being on the show in the first place is because of a girl and I do think the film dissolves into a typical romance movie by the end despite its unquestionably touching conclusion. Also, the warmness I was feeling from the ending quickly melted away due to a pointless dance number in the tradition of those cheesy Bollywood films over the credits. Instead of letting me leave the theater touched at what I saw, I left rolling my eyes and questioning why they would end this terrific movie on such a stupid note. However, don't let these minor downfalls stop you from seeing it. Slumdog Millionaire is one of the most unique films to be released this year and tells an incredibly clever and beautiful story.

8. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas-Here's a film that I think is quite special. It has more than its share of problems, but the storytelling is so magnificent and the idea so noble that it deserves a spot on this list. We've all seen movies about the Holocaust and all of them have impacted us emotionally in some way, but The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is different. It focuses not on the widespread genocide, but rather on young Bruno and Shmuel, two young boys who create an unlikely friendship. Shmuel is a Jewish boy trapped inside of a concentration camp and Bruno is the son of a high ranking Nazi officer in charge of running the camp. However, Bruno is ignorant to what is happening and thinks the camp is merely a farm and the fences are there to keep the animals from escaping. What this film does exceptionally well is individualize the events of the Holocaust. I interviewed the director of this film (Mark Herman) and the author of the book it is based on (John Boyne) and what John said to me really made sense. He said, "When you speak in terms of the large numbers, it’s impossible to really understand. When you personalize it into individual stories, it just becomes more effective and it helps you understand the wider story." This is true because in a way, Bruno's ignorance mirrors the way we look at the film. Since it is so personal among the two boys, the devastation of the Holocaust is almost hidden. We are seeing what Bruno sees and since he never sees the ugly side of it, neither do we and it isn't until the very end that we are reminded of the waste of human lives that this event caused. The last frame of the picture is so haunting that it will stay with you forever, I guarantee it. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is not to be missed.

7. Religulous-Religulous is a documentary headed by Bill Maher that doesn't necessarily try to create an engaging argument or convert viewers to its cause. What it does instead is make you laugh your head off at some of the religious nutcases that have infected our society. (Don't get offended religious people. Even you should be able to laugh at some of the idiocy that is shown in this movie.) However, it does have a point to it and that point is to show people how religion is a farce and that they're blindly following a set of beliefs that have been made up (they're argument, not mine--simmer down). I wrote in my review that "the main problem of the movie is that [Maher] mostly talked to normal Joe Schmoes. Rather than seeking out learned theologians or scientists, he went and talked to anybody of faith who have blindly followed their religion without thinking it over." While this still holds true, that's actually the whole point of the movie. Although Maher does try to talk to prominent religious figures (like the Pope, for instance), his goal is to point out the hypocrisies of religion while making people laugh. Had he talked to more learned scholars in the field of theology, they would merely reinforce Maher's beliefs and it wouldn't have been as interesting. I certainly don't agree with everything in the movie (like the idea that ridding the world of religion will end war), but it does bring up some valid points, such as how ignorant religious people are to ideas of the afterlife other than what their religion teaches. Religion does cause a lot of suffering in the world (despite its purpose) and the film isn't shy about saying it. Therefore, it may not be for everybody, but if nothing else, Religulous will create discussion and that's a good thing. If we don't question our beliefs, then what's the point in believing?

6. In Bruges-I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this little thriller. In Bruges was everything I wanted it to be and more. It was brilliantly acted, stylishly directed, and the storytelling was top notch. It told an interweaving narrative where you never knew what was going to happen, who was going to live and who was going to die, or what crazy scenario the two main characters were going to get themselves in. Add on to this that the film is quite funny despite its sometimes serious tone and you have what I consider to be the sleeper hit of the year. Nobody I know saw this, but everybody should. I was enthralled by every facet of it. Like I said, the acting is great, although I've never particularly been a big fan of Colin Farrell and never understood why people liked him so much. Well, this was the first time I ever "got" why he's considered a good actor. Still, he's upstaged by Brendan Gleeson as his partner assigned by the boss to take him out and Ralph Fiennes in a particularly excellent role as that boss. While I've never been to Bruges, and I don't particularly want to go after watching the chaos unfold in this film, I was delighted to spend some quality time with these misfits and I can't wait to revisit them somewhere down the road. As far as thrillers go, In Bruges tops almost all of them released this year with its interesting story, fascinating characters, and pitch black humor.

5. Taxi to the Dark Side-This is probably the best documentary I've ever seen. The argument is so well thought out and argued that regardless of your stance on torture going into it, you will see how awful it is and why we should be ashamed we resorted to such tactics. That's right. Taxi to the Dark Side is about torture, more specifically the torture that went on in Abu Ghraib. You've seen the photos and if you haven't, go to Google and type in "Abu Ghraib" in the image search. What you see there is only a taste of how far our government went in torturing those poor souls. Some of our tactics include sleep deprivation, beatings, and public humiliation (i.e. forcing the prisoners to masturbate for the enjoyment of our soldiers). It's so bad that upon a prisoner's death, there is a form that must be filled out and a cause of death must be verified. One of the causes of death is homicide. But here's the real kicker. According to the film, we have captured and imprisoned tens of thousands of "suspected terrorists" since 9/11 and less than one percent of them have any relevant information regarding any kind of terrorism. I love this country with all of my heart, but what we are doing is disgusting and should be stopped. In fact, I'm embarrassed and I can only hope our government's actions don't reflect the ethical values most of us carry. You can go in to this film supporting torture and backing up everything the Bush administration does, but if you have any type of soul, you will be outraged at their conduct. Taxi to the Dark Side is an absolute must see.

4. Under the Same Moon (La Misma Luna)-The most heartfelt movie on this list bar none, Under the Same Moon is a Spanish flick about a nine year old boy, Carlos, who hasn't seen his mother, Rosario, in years. To provide for her son, Rosario must work in the United States and cannot come home to Mexico. Carlos lives his with grandmother and only talks to his mom once a week on the telephone. He wants to see her badly and after his grandmother passes away, he decides to cross the border and find her. Although immigration is a touchy subject and there are valid arguments on both sides of the coin, I think the problem is that too many people don't think of immigrants as people. They think of them as a political issue, nothing more. What Under the Same Moon does is humanize the issue and shows what kind of hardships immigrants must go through. It asks, if the only way you could provide for your child was to work illegally in the United States, would you do it? I suspect most people would answer yes, but because of how privileged we are to have citizenship, we never contemplate these things. Even more than this, the film is about the bond between a mother and child and how even the most impossible of difficulties can be overcome. Although I'm sure you can figure out how it will end, I won't spoil it for you, but I will say that it has the best conclusion I've seen all year. In particular, the very last shot is mesmerizingly beautiful. Under the Same Moon is the most uplifting film to be released all year and if you're in the mood for a good smile and/or joyful tear, check this one out.

3. Wall-E-Without a doubt in my mind, Wall-E is the most visually stunning animated movie I've ever seen. Masters of their craft, Pixar has once again provided us with an enriching, fun-for-all-ages animated movie that ranks among the best films of the year. Considering how touching and/or smart the other films on this list are (sans Rambo--that movie is just awesome), it's really a testament to how beautiful Wall-E is. Pixar is yet to make a bad movie (even my least favorite, Cars, is still a good time), but this is among the best they've ever done. It ranks right up there with Toy Story and Finding Nemo and, as far as I'm concerned, is Pixar's definitive masterpiece. Like every other year, there was an onslaught of romance movies in 2008, almost all of them bad (natch). If it wasn't Nights in Rodanthe ramping the melodrama up to an unbearable level, it was a terrible romantic comedy, like What Happens in Vegas, boring us to tears with its contrivances and predictability. Well, every single romance film released this year was put to shame by Wall-E. You read that correctly. Wall-E sports what is hands down the best romance I've seen all year, and they're robots! I never thought I'd get so involved in this story and care so much about that little guy, but I did. He was one of the most interesting characters this year and his film is outstanding.

2. Milk-Like Taxi to the Dark Side and Under the Same Moon, Milk is about a socially relevant issue in our culture, one that needs our consideration just as equally. The issue in question this time is gay rights and the film couldn't come at a more appropriate time. Proposition 8 was deemed constitutional in California in the last election, fueling all kinds of controversy and proving that we Americans, the people who are supposed to be accepting of everybody and who live in a nation that supposedly stands for equal rights among all people, would rather stand behind the cloud of hate and bigotry than openly accept our gay neighbors, co-workers, teachers, doctors, friends, family, and fellow countrymen. The film is a biopic about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to public office. Set in the 70's, when homosexuals in San Francisco were fighting for their civil rights, Harvey Milk stepped up to the plate and led the fight against this injustice. As with any good biopic, Milk details Harvey Milk's life, his accomplishments, and his inevitable death, a tragedy that still emanates in the homosexual community. Unlike a film like Under the Same Moon, which is joyously uplifting, Milk is heartbreakingly uplifting. Despite the current struggles homosexuals are facing for equal rights to marry, the film shows how far we've come, but that there is still work to do. Milk creates an intelligent allegory on modern times that is spearheaded by Sean Penn's powerhouse performance as the titular character and it needs to be seen by everybody, especially those ignorant to the pain they're causing by denying equal rights to homosexuals. Milk is amazing and will be ingrained in your mind forever. (Read my review of the film here.)

1. The Dark Knight-I considered putting this film at number two and bumping Milk to the number one spot because there's no arguing that Milk is more socially relevant and a much more important film to see than this. However, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The Dark Knight is a masterpiece, plain and simple. Outside of the societal importance, The Dark Knight has everything that Milk has and more, including terrific direction by Christopher Nolan, a dark, brooding atmosphere that fits this film perfectly, and one of the greatest performances I've seen in any film ever. Of course, I'm talking about Heath Ledger as the Joker. While Jack Nicholson is a genius and one of the best actors we've ever had, his portrayal of the Joker in Tim Burton's 1989 film doesn't even begin to touch the bloodcurdling menace that Ledger puts on the character. Forget all of those horror movies that came out in 2008. You won't see a scarier movie this year than The Dark Knight. Ledger created what is one of the most terrifying characters to ever grace the screen and just looking at a still photo of him sends chills down my spine. He is the main reason to see this movie. Luckily, pretty much everything else in it works too. I could delve into what else makes this film so freaking amazing, but I'll just say this. On IMDB's Top 250 Movies list, The Dark Knight sits at number four, resting only under The Shawshank Redemption, The Godfather, and The Godfather: Part II. Impressive, no? The Dark Knight is inarguably the best superhero movie ever made and the absolute best movie of 2008.

The Worst Films of 2008

It was a good year for movies. No matter how you look at it, 2008 graced us with some terrific films. However, you will not see any of those on this list. For every achievement in filmmaking this year, there was a disaster of epic proportions. This year, we were subjected to a racist and intolerant redneck comedy, a poorly structured and argued documentary, a boatload of crappy romantic comedies, and a spoof movie so bad that I would rather drive nails through my eyes before ever watching another frame again. Every picture on this list should be avoided at all costs. These are the ten worst films of 2008.

10. Fool's Gold-To quote Richard Roeper, "They could have called this one How to Lose My Interest in 10 Minutes." Yes, Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey reunited to make this inept treasure hunting movie after their inexplicably popular How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. And yes, my interest was lost in about 10 minutes. This is a film that exists solely for the purpose of making money. I know what you're thinking, "But Josh, the purpose of any movie is to make money! Lol!" True, but at least other films hide it or at least provide us with a bit of quality. Fool's Gold did nothing but ride the coattails of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and failed misearably. Considering how stupid that aforementioned movie is, it's quite surprising to see that this one managed to be worse, even if only slightly so. The plot takes so many ridiculous twists and turns that it just screams contrivance and the characters are annoying to the point of insanity. But the real shame here is that talent is present. Kate Hudson can be adorable and has been in some well received movies, like Almost Famous. Donald Sutherland is an Emmy award winner, but is relegated down to idiot father. And Matthew McConaughey...well, he has some chiseled abs. Good for him. To be fair, a few other films, like Star Wars: The Clone Wars and 27 Dresses, were about as bad as this one and could have had this spot instead, but Fool's Gold managed to be just intolerable enough to edge them out.

9. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed-I saw a film this year that was incredibly powerful and sported one of the smartest and most well thought out arguments I've ever seen in a documentary. This is not that film. Expelled is a documentary featuring Ben Stein that explores why creationism isn't considered a relevant or plausible scientific explanation of how the world is today through flimsy arguments and a lack of statistical data. Now, I'm a science person myself (despite some of my religious beliefs) and I accept the theory of evolution, but that isn't why this film is so freaking terrible. What the movie does is create a condescending, ignorant view of those who don't accept creationism. It also fails to support its own beliefs. Stein interviews a scientist who has rejected the theory of evolution because some parts just don't "add up," but then the film never delves into what parts of it don't add up. It throws out an opinion, but doesn't ever bother supporting it. If studies can be done on creationism, then I agree that it should have an appropriate place in scientific study. The problem is that science is a tool for learning how things work and came in to being. It isn't based around religion. It is based around numbers and facts. The only argument for creationism is, "Well, it's my faith." That's not an argument. The failure to acknowledge this makes Expelled one of the most worthless documentaries I've ever seen.

8. Space Chimps-The same studio who brought us the poorly made Shrek rip-off, Happily N'ever After and the painfully drab Valiant now brings us one of the ugliest CGI movies to ever grace the screen and the worst children's film of the year. While the animation was fine on the actual chimps, everything else was horrendous. I've never seen an uglier alien planet. I've seen three year olds draw a more detailed landscape than the environments in this movie. But that's not the worst of it. The fundamental problem with Space Chimps is that it is totally lacking in imagination. I've never seen such a lack of originality in anything marketed towards children. Here's the best example of the creativity behind this catastrophe. When the chimps land on an alien planet, they meet a nice little creature who warns them of the path they must venture through. It's called the Valley of Very Bad Things. Seriously. I put more creativity into wiping my ass. This lack of creativity also coincides with the jokes, which are filled with an overabundance of monkey jokes, including phrases such as "chimp-rovise," "chimp off the 'ol block," and a radio station playing the hit song, "The Monkey-rena." The excessive amount of chimp jokes were so grating that they drove me bananas. Ba-zing!

7. The Haunting of Molly Hartley-In my review, I called this film "one of the most inept and idiotic scary movies I've seen since An American Haunting." Surprisingly enough, I found an even worse horror picture that will appear later on this list, but that doesn't change the fact that The Haunting of Molly Hartley is largely unwatchable and a complete disaster from start to finish. Between poorly written dialogue, an inane and ludicrous twist, and its shameless rip-0ff of the CW's Reaper, Molly Hartley was practically dead on arrival. This film feels like it should be playing at the teenybopper time slot on television between idiotic teen shows like Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill because it includes all of the ridiculous drama you would expect from those programs including an "Oh, no she di-in't" catfight. When I saw this movie, there were only three other people in the theater: an old lady, an overweight man, and a thin, sickly fellow. The absence of any and all teenagers actually made me feel optimistic knowing that even their fragile little minds weren't falling prey to the idiocy I was seeing before me. The film is incredibly unscary, resorting to "Boo!" tactics constantly (like a flock of birds loudly flying across the screen, a hand coming out of nowhere with a loud musical cue, etc.), almost to the point where you start to sense that the filmmakers knew it was terrible, so they threw in as many of these cheap jump moments as they could in the hopes of tricking the audience into thinking they were watching something scary. Well, guess what? They failed. Better luck next time.

6. What Happens In Vegas-Romantic comedies are one of the most despised genres of film for many movie critics due to its contrivances and predictability. Unfortunately, What Happens In Vegas could be the most clichéd, contrived, and predictable romantic comedy to come around in quite some time. Its repugnance is nearly unbearable. In the film, Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz are both facing hard times. Kutcher has been fired by his father and Diaz was dumped at a party in front of all of her friends. So what do you do when life gets you down and you want to get a fresh start? Why, go to Vegas of course! Yeah, except you do the complete opposite. Before this movie even began, it was already a complete mess due to its irrational logic. I can see why Diaz would go, but Kutcher? Buddy, you don't have a job. You can't afford to go to Vegas and blow your money away. But I digress. Although the two both live in New York, they have never met each other, but somehow meet up in Vegas (right). They get drunk, get married, and then win a three million dollar jackpot. Any two rational human beings would have a good laugh at how stupid they were to get hitched, split the money, and say their farewells. But for the convenience of the screenplay, these two decide to go to court over it where they are sentenced to "six months, hard marriage." Please. No judge anywhere would ever dole out such a ridiculous sentence. So what follows is an hour and a half of mean spirited pranks pulled on each other in the hopes that the other person will crack. The two are so cruel to each other that it's impossible to root for them because they don't care about anybody other than themselves. Tack onto this the predictable ending (hmm, I wonder if they get together) and the juvenile humor (one guy's name is Richard Banger--get it?) and you have one of the poorest outings of the year.

5. One Missed Call-One Missed Call is the perfect example of why we need to stop remaking foreign horror movies. There hasn’t been one Americanized remake of a foreign horror flick that I found good or scary in even the most basic sense, and yes, that includes The Ring. But this may be the worst of them all. The basic premise of the film is that you get a message from yourself hearing how you are going to die. After you do, it calls somebody in your contact list and makes them the next victim. Sounds interesting, right? Hardly. This is the type of movie where nobody even thinks about erasing all of their contacts. This is the type of movie where the characters don’t get rid of their cell phones until it’s too late. This is the type of movie where the two main protagonists say they are going to split up, then walk outside and get in the car together. Even the lighting changes from shot to shot in certain scenes. The whole movie is a complete mess and the sole purpose of every single incident in the film was to produce a cheap scare. The main character even crawls through a ventilation shaft for God’s sake. Why? No real reason. She just does. It was a poor year for horror, but none topped the awfulness of One Missed Call.

4. Witless Protection-In one way or another, all of the movies on this list are offensive, but that's mostly because they're offensively bad. Witless Protection is just straight up offensive. I've never seen such an intolerant, racist, conservative film in my entire life. I kid you not, this picture makes racist cracks at African Americans, mocks the Muslim religion, and randomly makes fun of liberals unprovoked. This movie stars Larry the Cable Guy as an idiot sheriff of a small town who thinks a beautiful woman is being kidnapped by men in black suits. Of course, they are merely FBI agents protecting her. Larry, unaware of this, snatches her up and takes her away from her "kidnappers." So basically, Larry the Cable Guy was playing a dimwitted, redneck womanizer. That must have been difficult. Outside of its immoral and nauseating portrayal of anybody who isn't a white Christian conservative, the film is loaded to the brim with fart jokes and poor acting. The fact that there are people out there who actually find this obnoxious redneck humor funny really makes me fear for our society. Witless Protection is an assault on the fundamentals of this nation. Although there are three more movies that I placed above this one on this list, Witless Protection is the only one that is morally detestable and should be avoided by any reasonable, tolerant American.

3. The Hottie & the Nottie-Where do I even begin with this one? Besides having one of the stupidest titles I've ever seen, The Hottie & the Nottie is utterly hopeless, a complete waste of celluloid from start to finish. It defies all things sacred with its heinous attempt at filmmaking. It's the pimple on the ass of Hollywood. Its horrific stench of awfulness still permeates through my brain. It deserves to make like the E.T. video game and get dumped into a landfill never to be heard from again. The Hottie & the Nottie is the film equivalent of a knife digging into my scalp and slicing out a piece of my brain because quite frankly, I felt stupider for having watched this. Everything is wrong with this debacle from the title to the acting to the directing. I could have directed this thing with more stylish flair than Tom Putnam did, the two leads have no chemistry, and I had more laughs in One Missed Call (totally true). Still, I like Joel David Moore. He was moderately amusing in Grandma’s Boy, he was hilarious in Hatchet, and he showed some surprising acting chops in Spiral, but he was intensely annoying in this film. What was he thinking? As for Paris Hilton, she has no comic timing, no skills as an actress, and no reason to be on-screen in anything that isn't in night vision. At least in House of Wax, her screen time was limited and we got to see a metal pole get thrown through her head. That's painful, but it's not as painful as watching her act. The Hottie & the Nottie is embarrassingly bad; an atrocity on a grand scale and everybody involved with this monstrosity should be ashamed of themselves.

2. Disaster Movie-I was one of the unfortunate few to walk into the theater when this horror was unleashed back in August and I wrote a scathing review pretty much blasting every facet of its existence. I even called it one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Considering that this is in the two spot, you can only imagine how appalling my number one pick is. Disaster Movie follows in the tradition of such classic spoof films as Airplane and The Naked Gun trilogy, only with lower production values, bland direction, awful acting, an incoherent story, and an absence of any and all laughs throughout its entire, painfully long hour and a half. While spoof movies aren't quite dead yet (the recent Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story has kept them breathing), they're slowly inching their way into oblivion thanks to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the directors of this cinematic turd. I wonder what they must think knowing that they are single-handedly destroying the spoof genre. Anyway, I'd have to say that my biggest problem with this poop shoot of a film is the title. While a film like Scary Movie actually spoofed its inspiration, Disaster Movie doesn't. It spoofs films like Iron Man, Get Smart, No Country For Old Men, Enchanted, Juno, Indiana Jones, Beowulf, Wanted, Kung Fu Panda, High School Musical and more. So despite its implied title, it rarely spoofs actual disaster movies. It should have been called Any Movie to Come Out in the Last Two Years Movie. The only thing the title does right is sum up the quality of the overall product. Disaster Movie truly is a disaster of a movie.

1. 10,000 B.C.-This film is a paradox. It made over $250 million worldwide, but I don't know a single person who saw it, except for me of course. I have to assume that other people went to see it due to of word of mouth because God knows this movie practically had the words "waste of time" written on its trailer. Actually, its box office intake can be seen as a testament to how stupid our society is becoming. It amazes me that so many great movies can be released every year only to be ignored by the public while something like 10,000 B.C. makes a giant load of the green stuff. Everything is wrong with this picture (and I mean everything) no matter how you look at it. From a historical perspective, it's garbage. Although Egyptians play a large part in the movie, they actually didn't come into existence for another 5,000 years. Despite the dry, arid deserts that the characters traverse, it was actually much more precipitous. And then there are the obvious problems of how life was back then. I'm pretty sure they didn't speak perfect English, punctuating their sentences correctly and emphasizing the correct syllables. I'm also fairly certain that nobody in those days had perfectly plucked eyebrows, layers of make-up, or straight white teeth. There are even continuity problems from shot to shot. While the characters travel, they hike through snow, sand, and even a jungle. Seeing as how they're traveling on foot, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't reach these vastly different environments as quickly as they did in the movie. I mean, what were the filmmakers thinking? Did they really think they could just ignore such basic problems? The little bit of credibility this godawful movie could have had otherwise was completely wasted, although that still wouldn't redeem the picture. This film is so past the point of redemption that you could smother the Girls Next Door in baby oil and have them wrestle each other naked for a scene, and it still wouldn't be worth watching. 10,000 B.C. is the film equivalent to a horse with both of his front ankles broken. Just like the horse--its worthless, pitiful body lying there just waiting to be put out of its misery--10,000 B.C. is hopeless. The acting is wooden, the direction is weak, there are glaring continuity errors, and it rips off other, much better films (like Jurassic Park, for instance). I despise this movie. I hold it in a contempt that no other film has ever reached. 10,000 B.C. is the worst movie of 2008.

Milk: One of the Best Films of the Year

Milk comes at a time when our nation seems to be going backwards. It comes at a time when civil rights are being questioned in the homosexual community. Even the usually reliable state of California voted to ban gay marriage in the last election. There are a lot of issues to consider in the world right now, including two wars and a failing economy, but one of the most important, yet least valued, is gay rights. If even one person or group is denied their civil rights, then we as a country have failed and unfortunately, that seems to be the case. We've turned our back on the homosexual community and told them that they aren't equal to us. Milk knows this and creates a riveting and Oscar-worthy film that will be ignored by the homophobic and hate filled citizens of America, although they are the ones who need to see it most. Milk is one of the best pictures of 2008.

The film follows the true story of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected into public office. It is set in the 1970's, at a time when homosexuals were struggling for civil rights. This was a time when a bill was being voted on that would fire homosexual teachers. This was a time when gays couldn't even walk down the street without the fear of somebody attacking them. It's one of the most shameful times our country has dealt with, but most don't view it as such, probably because it's still going on today. As with any good biopic, it chronicles the life and times of Mr. Milk, including his accomplishments, his rise, and his inevitable fall. An outed gay man and an advocate for gay rights, his story is truly uplifting and inspiring, yet tragic and heartbreaking at the same time.

If I learned anything about gay rights from the film, I learned that homosexuals had it much worse 30 years ago than they do today and that we've come a long way. Compared to what was going on during that time period, our recent bigotry and homophobia really doesn't seem so bad. But as the film knows and points out, we have got to shape up and the only way to do that is to allow equal rights to all people regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. The film's main target, outside of battling politicians, are Christians, and for good reason. Most of Harvey Milk's opposition in San Francisco came from Christian activists who hid behind the Bible to justify their intolerance and bigotry. Considering that the majority of the nation does that today by not allowing homosexuals their human born right to marry, the film creates an intelligent allegory of modern times.

I've talked a lot about gay rights and why we need to stop being so narrow-minded and accept them as they are, but that's only because that is the whole point of the film. It's relevance in today's society is powerful and far-reaching and as such, this is the most important film to be released all year. However, that isn't all the picture has to offer.

The performances are extraordinary. Emile Hirsch, Josh Brolin, and James Franco are excellent and I believed every second they were on-screen, but nobody can match what Sean Penn did in this movie. His performance is brilliant as Harvey Milk and it's one of those rare instances where you stop seeing the actor and you start seeing the person he's playing. There's a long list of great performances this year, including Heath Ledger as the Joker in this summer's blockbuster, The Dark Knight, and here is another one you can add to that list. Sean Penn hit perfection in this role. Be on the lookout for his Oscar nomination.

Milk is as good a biopic as I've ever seen. It's hard to express how marvelous this film is, but when you couple the powerful and socially relevant message with Sean Penn's phenomenal performance and Gus Van Sant's good direction, you have one of the most moving films to be released in recent memory. It's one of those movies that is so emotionally powerful and hard-hitting that no noticeable negatives come to mind. It's nearly perfect in every way and is easily one of the top three films I've seen all year. It will open your eyes to the injustices that face the homosexual community and will touch you to the point of tears. Milk is unforgettable.

Milk receives an enthusiastic 5/5

Top 10 Movies to Watch on Christmas

For some, Christmas is the time of year when families get together to exchange gifts so they can all be promptly returned to the store for something else. For others, it's a time to reflect on the blessings they've had over the years. And for everybody leftover, Christmas is nothing more than an annoying parade of happy-go-lucky imbeciles who need to wipe that stupid smile off their faces. Luckily, I'm here to provide you with the Ten Best Movies to Watch on Christmas and I've included films that target all of those groups. With these movies, you'll see families learn the true meaning of the holiday, a man realize that life is priceless, and a psychopath in a Santa suit murder people who have been naughty. 'Tis the season!

10. Home Alone-The film every person my age grew up with, Home Alone was the epitome of kid power in the early 90's. I don't know one person who doesn't love this movie (although I'm only slightly fond of it). There was just something about watching another child take down the bad guys that made the kids in my generation cheer. Plus, the grown up representation was pretty dimwitted. Of course, the two robbers are complete idiots (they'd have to be to be foiled by one kid), but the parents aren't too smart themselves. We all know the set-up. Kevin, played by Macaulay Culkin, is left home alone when his parents forget about him and take a trip to France for the holidays. What kind of parents forget about their children, especially on the holidays? You would think that once they got in the car, they'd realize, "Hmm, one of our children is missing." Apparently, these parents don't love poor old Kevin. Although the ending of the film is a happy one, a more appropriate ending would have been for child services to show up and take Kevin away from his neglectful and stupid parents. Regardless, Home Alone is a fun enough film with enough nostalgia to make it onto this list.

9. Silent Night, Deadly Night-Nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like a deranged psychopath in a Santa suit going on a killing spree. Released in 1984, in the wake of the financial success of Halloween, Silent Night, Deadly Night was only one of many horror films centered around a holiday (others included April Fool's Day, My Bloody Valentine, New Year's Evil, and Friday the 13th to name a few). Call me cynical if you like, but I can only take so much holiday cheer. The holidays can get pretty depressing and sometimes you just have to see something that throws the middle finger up to all of those annoying passers-bys who can't help but wish you a happy holiday when all you really want is to be left alone. It's a terrible movie, but its totally awesome title alone earns it a spot on this list. For all of you who find yourselves jaded on Christmas and just want some good old exploitative violence to keep you sane, Silent Night, Deadly Night will probably do the trick quite efficiently.

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas-On my "Top 10 Movies to Watch on Halloween" list (which you can read here), I placed this animated masterpiece on there stating that it's the perfect holiday film not only for Halloween, but also Christmas. And sure enough, here it is on this list as well, and rightfully so. It's the only movie I've ever seen that has blended two holidays and created a beautiful, engaging movie that can be cherished year after year. In fact, out of all of the films I have in my collection, it's one of the only ones I still watch on a regular basis. Although it is a PG rated animated movie, it can get a little dark, so in this regard, it may not be the film you're going to want to bring the family together to watch. But if you appreciate movies and want a film perfectly suitable for Christmas that isn't bogged down by all that sappy sentimentality, The Nightmare Before Christmas will do just fine.

7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas-A lot of audiences and critics weren't big fans of this movie, but honestly, I have no idea why. I loved it. Would I say it's better than the cartoon? Of course not, but it's still a damn fine holiday movie that the whole family can enjoy. Although there are certainly better Christmas movies on this list, How the Grinch Stole Christmas is probably the most accessible to a full family because it will keep the kiddies entertained thanks to Jim Carrey's brilliant work as the Grinch. He portrays the evil, yet oddly charming, character about as well as anybody could have hoped and brings a certain human aspect to him that I felt was missing in the cartoon. Still, there are downfalls to the film, mainly Whoville and the Who civilians. While Carrey and his cavern are fun and imaginative, Whoville looks like a set and the inhabitants in them are largely dull and lifeless, minus the sweet performance by Taylor Momsen as Cindy Lou Who. However, Ron Howard's usual stylish direction really pushes this movie over the top and creates a largely enjoyable experience. You can scoff at me all you want, but How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a fun movie that charms me every time. Check out the cartoon if you can, but this is a terrific substitute if you can't.

6. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)-When I decided to do this top 10 list, I was researching what films to put on here and although I had seen most of the true classics, this was one I had missed somewhere along the way. After having watched it, I can see where it gets its classic status and rightfully deserves a spot on this list. The film is full of charm and provides the simple message that you have to believe for things to come true. Edmund Gwenn, who played good old Kris Kringle, was fun and believable and is the main reason this film succeeds. After a while, I forgot I was watching a man playing Santa and just started seeing the jolly old fat man. It's not perfect though. Eventually, Santa ends up in a loony bin because he refuses to tell people he is someone he isn't, which is anybody other than St. Nick. It then goes to trial to decide whether he is stable enough to live in a normal society. It drags a bit and it takes the sweet and innocent wonderment of the first half and turns it into a courtroom battle. Still, don't let that dissuade you from watching it this Christmas. Miracle on 34th Street truly is a classic.

5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation-Chevy Chase shines in this tale about an entire family getting together for one major Christmas celebration only for everything to go completely and horribly wrong. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is the definitive Christmas comedy to watch. This film existed when National Lampoon could be counted on to provide quality films with a little heart. Now, their films rely on excessive vulgarity and gross out moments and it simply isn't funny. Having just watched this again for the first time in probably ten years, I was surprised at how well it holds up. I laughed out loud watching this more than I have in many of the recent comedies to be released. However, the film does have its problems. At times, the whole routine can feel a little slap-dash and the families can get kind of annoying. Plus, the film is called Christmas Vacation, but the family never actually goes on vacation. Talk about a glaring flaw. Nonetheless, this is a great comedy to watch on Christmas and a classic in its own right.

4. Black Christmas (1974)-Yes, I included another Christmas themed slasher movie on this list. Sue me. However, this one is different. Black Christmas is actually pretty good and is considered a true classic in the genre. It's a slasher that pre-dates Halloween and still manages to provide a few chills, which is a feat all its own. Believe it or not, Black Christmas is directed by Bob Clark, the same man who directed another holiday classic which will appear later on this list. Don't get this genre piece confused with the truly awful 2006 remake. If you accidentally rent that one instead of this, prepare for a painful experience. But if you do grab this one, be sure to keep your expectations in check and remember that this was a slasher film before the slasher boom in the 80's. In that regard, this is a solid genre effort that works wonders on Christmas for the people who prefer something scary over anything merry.

3. Die Hard-You're probably asking yourself, "Die Hard? Why would that be on the list? It's not a Christmas movie!" On the contrary, it takes place on Christmas Eve where John McClane takes a trip to Los Angeles to spend the holidays with his wife. Most people seem to forget that the story is indeed wrapped around Christmas. It's an honest mistake because considering how much ass this movie kicks, you tend to forget about the holiday theme and get absorbed in its ample amounts of awesomeness. Die Hard is one of the greatest action flicks ever made and it still holds up to this day. If you go back and look at classic action movies (like First Blood for example), they just scream 80's. The acting is pretty lousy and they're very cheesy (although First Blood is still cool). But Die Hard could have easily been made this year and it would be just as gripping and exciting as it was when it was released in 1988. It was the film that made Bruce Willis a star and this holiday season, you should take some time to appreciate the actor's humble beginnings and watch him lay the smack down on some unsuspecting terrorists.

2. It's A Wonderful Life-Out of all of the films on this list, It's A Wonderful Life is probably the most cherished of them all. I've thrown the word "classic" around a few times on this list, but this film really is in the truest sense of the word. Without a doubt, this is the most emotional and uplifting film out of all of them and one of the greatest holiday-themed movies ever made. James Stewart does a marvelous job as George Bailey, a man who doesn't realize he's had a blessed life until his guardian angel comes down to show him what his town would be like had he never been born. This premise is extremely touching and you can't help but shed a tear for life and the love of family around the holidays. In one way or another we've all done something along the way that has made a positive impact on somebody else, so this film can relate to us all. That is its greatest strength. However, I put it as number two on the list because it takes way too long to actually get going. The film is two hours and twelve minutes long, but the life changing experience George has is only the last half hour or so of the movie. I understand everything before that is important to the set-up of this final climactic moment, but I still feel that it could have been tightened up just a tad. But don't let that stop you from watching this. It's A Wonderful Life truly is a classic and an excellent choice for this holiday season.

1. A Christmas Story-Remember that movie I was telling you about that was directed by the same person who did Black Christmas? Well, here it is. That's right. The same guy who gave us this intensely sweet and endearing Christmas picture also contributed a brutal, often frightening Christmas slasher. What can I say? The man knew how to work the holiday. A cinematic masterpiece, A Christmas Story is what all holiday movies should strive to be. Having not watched this since I was a young child, I popped it in again recently and was taken aback by how involved I got. Peter Billingsley plays the young Ralphie, who desperately wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, amazingly well. He embodied the spirit of every child who has ever been through a Christmas and wanted something so badly that the day would be ruined if they didn't get it. And just like every child, he gets punished for being naughty (including his first slip of the F-word around his parents). No kid could watch this movie and not relate to young Ralphie. Even now as an adult, I looked at Ralphie and saw myself. It's really a testament to how excellent this film is and how well it has held up over the years. Top on to this that it is quite funny and you have a holiday treasure that is suitable for all ages (don't worry parents--you don't actually hear the F-word). If you truly want to have Christmas at the movies, pop this bad boy in and enjoy the spirit of the holiday.

Bolt is Pure Fun for the Whole Family

Computer animated movies don't get enough credit. Sure, many of them are absolute garbage (like Star Wars: The Clone Wars or Space Chimps), but every so often you get a film that is so wonderfully fun and full of energy that it brings out the kid in you. Heck, I'm 22 years old and some of my favorite films and television shows are animated. There's just something about a good CGI movie that makes me feel like I'm 10 again and I love that. Lucky for us, Disney has given us Bolt, a completely original and charming 3D movie that everyone in the family will enjoy.

The film follows young Bolt (voiced by John Travolta), who is the superstar of his very own television show where he protects his owner, Penny (voiced by Miley Cyrus). The catch is that he thinks it is all real. He is completely unaware that he is on television and lives solely to make sure Penny is okay. At the end of each show, he always thwarts the bad guy and saves Penny, but thanks to recent low ratings, the boys in charge decide to end on a cliffhanger where Bolt loses Penny. Since he believes she is in real peril, he breaks free of the set and goes on an adventure to try to find her.

As far as I'm concerned, there are two things that can ruin a CGI movie: the voice acting and the animation. For instance, Madagascar drove me crazy because every time somebody spoke, I heard their real life counterparts rather than the characters. Every time the lion said something, I heard Ben Stiller. Every time the zebra spoke, I heard Chris Rock. It was very distracting. Just as well, a movie like Valiant can look incredibly drab, to the point where I'm too focused on the poor animation to give a crap about what's happening. This is where Bolt shines.

It may not be fair to compare every CGI movie with Pixar because they are masters of their craft, but they've set the bar high and most films can't reach it, Bolt included. However, this may be the prettiest non-Pixar computer animated movie I've ever seen. It's no Wall-E, but the stellar visual style along with the heightened 3D experience makes for a visually stimulating good time.

Unlike Madagascar, I never felt like the actors were getting in the way of the story. John Travolta and Miley Cyrus spoke their lines with gusto rising above their recognizable voices and gave the film a feeling of its own. But it's not just those two. Susie Essman and Mark Walton are terrific voicing Bolt's friends Mittens the cat and Rhino the hamster. Even James Lipton of "Inside the Actors Studio" creeps in there with some believable and humorous lines. I can't praise the vocal delivery enough. It was phenomenal.

Part of my affection for the film comes from the fact that it is undeniably cute. I mean, just look at that picture up there. Is that not the most precious thing you've ever seen? (NOTE: If you answered no, you have no soul.) I fell in love with these characters because of their surprising cuteness. In fact, the opening two minutes may very well be the most adorable thing I've ever seen in a movie. Now I want a puppy.

Something to note is that although 3D will soon be a cliché due to the insane amount of upcoming movies utilizing the tactic, Bolt uses it properly. Instead of throwing things at your face non-stop, it exists only to enhance the experience. It wasn't used as a gimmick, which I loved. I hope that future films will take note of this more effective usage.

All in all, Bolt is a solid effort that I thoroughly enjoyed. The only real problem with the movie is that it's not a gut busting hilarious movie by any means (although Rhino is awesome). Still, it does have some good chuckles here and there, enough to keep you satisfied. It's a movie that I would love to see some sequels to. A film like Wall-E is perfect the way it is and doesn't need any sequel to tarnish its beauty, but Bolt was a fascinating, fun, and very entertaining character that I could easily see partaking in further adventures.

Animation isn't just for children anymore. Bolt is a terrific family film that I recommend wholeheartedly.

Bolt receives 4/5